I’ve been thinking a lot about the past recently.  So much so, that I paid a visit to my dear ol’ mum today and shared a lovely cup of tea with her on the veranda.  She remarked at the coincidence, as just yesterday, she had found a box of my old toys hidden near the boiler in the basement.  Eagerly, I opened the lid, and the memories came rushing back:  some old “TapouT” action figures of Charles “Mask” Lewis and his Ferrari, Anna Anisimova in her yoga outfit,  the Green Czar, and the Mask TapouT playset; a photo of me posing with Senator Vitter at the Mormon Endowment Ceremony at Portland State University; some photos of Karen Malina White clipped from “Life” Magazine; and a letter from Ross Douthat, replying to a piece of fan mail I had sent when I was eight.  So many memories.  So many memories.

Interesting day today.  I was onboard the USNS Impeccable, with my two good friends, Terry Sedlacek and Christy Lynn Martin.  We were discussing the new production by our favorite new acting troupe “Bartendaz.”  The new production is called “I married the Eiffel Tower.”  “So what is it all about?” Christy asked.  “Can’t you tell by the title?” snorted Terry.  This got me thinking about my recent Oceanic Airlines flight, to visit Oxana Malaya.  I knew Oxana from our time with the Gilt Groupe.  The Gilt Groupe was (is?) a non-profit that sought donations of gold bars to fund stem cell research.  Anyway, when I finally made it to Oxana’s house, there was a note on the front door: “Out to Target, picking up a few things – come inside and make yourself a drink.” And so I did…

Inspired by Brody Jenner’s Bromance and Sarah’s challenge, the editors of Nature’s Television hope you enjoy this New Years Eve “broast”.  Replace your champagne toast at midnight tonight with this gem, and you are sure to receive several bro hugs.  Good luck, and you’re welcome.

“Fuck, man.  Fuck.  You guys are my boys.  I fuckin’ love you guys so much.  No, but seriously, fuck, shit.  I dont know why I’m even cryin’.  Michelle, quit ya-self, I’m givin’ a broast here.  I’ve only cried three times in my life ’til now:  When my cat Florida had kittens, when I got into FSU and the second time I saw La Bamba.  Fuck, man.  You guys mean so much to me, man.  You’re my boys…even though some of you are chicks.  (Howl!)  No, but seriously.  I mean this seriously. Shhhh, shut up, Michelle.  Shut your fuckin’ mouth, I’m givin’ a broast.  Happy 2009!  I fuckin’ love you guys.  No, but seriously, if anyone tries to start something with you, I’ll cut them down.  I will hunt that motha fucka and curb his ass.  Michelle, fuckin’ shut it!  I fuckin’ love you guys.  Here’s to gettin’ some in 2009!  Two Thousand and Fuckin’ Nine!”

Happy New Years!

The world has gone up 0.4 degrees C due to Obama fever…even Pennsylvania is unseasonably hot

Phoenix is a balmy 56F and is Republican

The Naturestelevision is calling as of 8:15 PM EST that Indiana’s 11 electoral votes will be going to Barack Obama!

(Projections based on telephone surveys of 3.0000 households)

This just in.  The Naturestelevision crew, this website’s most trusted newsource, will be enjoying chili and tortilla chips this evening while watching the election coverage.

What will you be eating?

We are live tonight folks!

Follow all the coverage here on your favorite website.

If you’re anything like me, and I think you are, then you like clapping as much as the next guy.  Well, me too.  Since we’re all in the same boat, here’s a list of the top bunch of things that make you, no me, no US clap!

1. Good Times.  Whether they be with friends, family members, lovers, new friends or cousins, good times are always an occasion to touch palms repeatedly!

2. Joke Aftermath.  Some jokes are jokes.  Some jokes, however, are brilliant.  To truly show your delight with another’s comedic genius, as it were, try making sounds with your hands if you have them.  This is called a “clap” or “clapping”.  He’ll know what you mean!

3. Encouragement.  Some people can finish races, be they literal or figurative, without support, like us!  But some people who aren’t as good as us need a little encouragement.  The slap slap sound created by clapping might be just the ticket for these simps.  Not to get political, but as superior people it is our job to encourage losers.

4. Play or Concert Conclusion.  Let’s face it, whether you liked a play or not, it’s appropriate to clap at the end so as to not stand out in the crowd.  Sometimes you’ll even be compelled to stand in what is called a “standing ovation”.

5. Athletics.  Athletes are often encouraged by sounds.  One such sound is the created by banging one’s hands together and banging them together again and again and again.  This sound is called a “clapping sound”.  Sporting events are a good place to encourage your favorite athletes.

My bar mitzvah theme was the American Southwest, but I’d probably pick tennis now.

What would you pick today?

Please indicate whether you would be friends with someone who said, “I’m not a narcissist.  I’m just vain….but, with good reason.”